The Home Stretch

Yesterday marked the 37th week of pregnancy and you are officially considered full-term, baby girl. I'm still in the office this week finishing up my last week of work, and there are still a few preparations to be made for your coming, but for the most part your daddy and I are as ready as we are going to be.

Somehow, I haven't really been able to express how carrying you has physically affected me -- because obviously, it has, in so many ways. It's hard to capture it all in mere words, but the fear of forgetting it all compels me to at least try...

I don't think I could have imagined that pregnancy could affect one's body, in its entirety, to such an extent. I didn't want to do weekly recounts of all the physical changes, lest it make me take on a negative attitude about my body, but knowing it'll be over soon has made me mentally look over the running list of pregnancy ailments symptoms and just marvel at what it has been like. It has been magnificent in some respects and plain downright miserable in others. There is a certain undeniable beauty and thrill in pregnancy because of the meaning behind all of the changes -- there is a real, live baby in there! -- but, unfortunately, adjusting to the physical changes can overshadow some of that thrill (the emotional highs and lows don't help, either!).

I think, from the outside, I'm one of those pregnant women other pregnant women seem to loathe: I haven't gained all that much visible weight except in the boobs and stomach, no water retention or stretch marks to speak of. But, even so, it has been incredibly difficult trying to adjust to the constant changes in my body. While I admit I cannot relate to those with the opposite problem, the lack of "proper" weight gain due to severe nausea, and despite my best consumption efforts, was a very scary thing, especially when concerns that you were measuring too small became reasons for non-routine tests and ultrasound early in the third trimester (whereupon we found out you were actually doing fine, yay!). The horrible vomiting and nausea up til 22 weeks, the ever-constant bleeding -- we're talking bloody noses, bloody gums, hemorrhoids (TMI?) -- along with random skin changes/rashes, mood swings, tons of snot, incontinence, insomnia, body aches and an overall "heavy" feeling all make for general physical unhappiness, even as I try to embrace my new image overall.

This isn't to say there haven't been some incredibly rewarding physical aspects of being pregnant. Being able to feel you move and kick with your little limbs and becoming accustomed to the charming sensation of you-with-hiccups has been amazing, to say the least. I love that I've unconsciously learned your little in-utero habits, becoming used to feeling you become active at certain times and in certain situations. I love placing a hand over the left side of my belly and feeling you push a little knee into it, or patting the top part of my stomach area where your little butt is, now that your head has descended downwards. Despite the discomforts I've experienced, I love the feeling of closeness I have with you as a physical part of me. I can't wait to meet you outside of my body, but a small part of me will mourn when you're released into the world and are no longer with me every hour of every day. In this sense, I'm aware that pregnancy is fleeting, and experiencing it has changed my life...