Cause and Effect

So much about this first stage of parenting is about making decisions, choices that will hopefully put your baby on their merry way to being a healthy, balanced child. Breast or bottle, co-sleeping, CIO methods, babywearing, etc. etc.

As a new parent, one is the recipient of lots of advice, both asked-for and unsolicited. A common phrase is "don't do/do do (insert practice or attitude) so that your baby will turn out/won't turn out (insert condition)." Let her cry it out! Otherwise, she'll be spoiled. Give her formula, it will help her to sleep better. Don't let her fall asleep too much in the car or else she won't be able to sleep without movement! Start solids; no, don't start solids yet. Don't get in the habit of babywearing. Make sure she takes a bottle or she'll become too dependent on you. And it goes on and on. I have to wonder sometimes, though -- how much of child's end character is the direct result of parenting choices, vs. just the child's personality and individual temperament?

I think babies differentiate from each other starting from the beginning. Some sleep through the night soon after coming home from the hospital. Others (like mine) are a few months old and still not quite there. Is that more because of the type of individual each baby is, or because of some action on the part of the parent(s)? I'm sure the answer is some combination of the two, but still, I look at siblings, including my own, and marvel at how different they are from each other despite having very similar upbringing.

I'll be the first to admit that I have thus far turned out to be much more of an "attachment parent" than I foresaw that I'd be. To keep this post succinct, I won't divulge details about what that means, but I sometimes wonder if I'm spoiling little K by making certain parenting choices, ones that people had told me not to do for fear of raising a spoiled brat. But then, I look at her. She is a baby, my baby, just a few months out of the womb. So dependent and so trusting. I look at my lovely sister-in-law and her beautiful girls and the nurturing, yet balanced way she parents them. And then I don't worry, because this little one needs love and security right now more than anything else -- as an adopted child myself, I can attest to this with no hesitation. Who am I to do anything but all that is in my power to provide that?